Thursday, May 26, 2016

Funny People

Yes, the title is from the nepotism filled Sandler/Apatow film that I really didn't care for when I saw it years ago, but, it's the only title that came to mind. Funny, hilarious, humorous. I've heard them all. I'm not confident with many things, but who is? I know I'm funny. I enjoy making people laugh and seeing their reactions. What I'm currently experiencing is extremely difficult and I need humor to cope. Many of you that I'm close to know that I've been making jokes in regard to my divorce with the Plaintiff. Yes, she's now known to me as the Plaintiff going forward. Why? Why the hell not?
I figure if I can make everyone else laugh, then why can't I make myself giggle about all of this? So, below are some zingers I've been using. They're funny and sad, but humor and grief walk the same, fine line, and it's really just about context. So, in no particular order, here are some jokes about my divorce. Enjoy. Also, they might not all be comedic gems.

1) When I go to bars we use to frequent and the familiar bartender asks me: "Where's your wife?", and I reply with: "That's a good question, I don't know."

2) I'm going to hold off on throwing anyone birthday parties going forward, as it appears the last one didn't go as planned, due to it resulting in a divorce.

3) My previous ex took my air conditioner and my wife took our air mattress. I'm starting to think I should write my name on anything I own that contains the word "air".

4) When we all go to the courthouse, I can finally say to my wife and her family: "So this is where everyone has been? I never thought to look here."

5)  My birthday is coming up on June 19th, and I'm not sure if I should be expecting a gift from the Plaintiff. Maybe a card? Although, she did get me divorce papers...

6) Plaintiff, I know I changed the locks, but you're more than welcome to come over whenever you want when I'm not home.

7) Your Honor, I honestly just thought she went to Wawa to get coffee and gas these past 6 months.

8) So, that's a definite "No" in regard to attending Thanksgiving and Christmas?

9) Ok, Plaintiff, I know you want a divorce, but I have just one question: "Did you at least enjoy your birthday party?"

10) So instead of "I do.", it was more of a "I kinda do."?

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