Do the Right Thing...

"Be a good man." Words my father instilled in me since I was a young boy. Words I carried with me for a very long time. Unfortunately, as I go through this divorce that I didn't ask for nor want, I feel like anything but a "good man." I feel overwhelmed with anger, sadness, and grief. I feel compromised, morally, by circumstance, reactive to what has been done to me. "Be a good man" is a hard rule to abide by at this moment in time.
Everyone on the outside looking in thinks that my ex deserves anything and everything she has coming to her. On the flip side of that coin, most likely, everyone on her side of this fight, thinks I deserve everything that is coming to me, but, in the end, as I previously stated, no one wins. So far, divorce has been nothing more than a "tit for tat", a continued attempt of "You've done this, so I'll do that." It's continuous escalation, pure and simple; where only the lawyers benefit, as they siphon money from the substantial retainer that is meant to keep them in your employ, and protect you, legally. Well, at least mine. I doubt she's paying a fraction of what I'm paying in legal fees. Yay for her father being best friends with a lawyer!
But, despite all of this, I continue to "try" and do the right thing. More than what she deserves and, I think, more than what I deserve. I maintain and bear the sole financial responsibility of our home, despite the fact that she has chosen to no longer pay her half of the vested interest in a residence where we are currently both listed as co-owners on the deed. I still support her, by law, within the health care spectrum; and reside and remain as the caretaker of our residential investment. I, am, in no way, attempting to slander her, though, fact are facts, and the previously mentioned above statements are acts of shittiness; so, I'll let you, the reader, decide on her level of selfish/atrocious behavior she has exhibited, and decide if it's unfair and unwarranted. So, as previously inquired in other posts, what's my point? Simple, with respect to divorce, you both start out wanting to be civil and considerate of each other, but honestly, it just devolves into a chaotic mess, where you feel compromised on every level, and less like the "good man" you have strived to be most of your life. To me, that's one of the worst feelings I could ever experience. For what I've done and continue to do in the midst of this divorce, and the fact that, everyday, I have to look at myself in the mirror and be "ok" with choices I've made and will continue to make until this is all over.

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