Rationalizing the Irrational or Irrationalizing the Rational 2: Electric Boogaloo

You're probably thinking to yourself, "Self, there was no part one." I know, but I'm a huge fan of films, so each title will incorporate some kind of film title reference. Yay for creativity. So last time I kinda built an outline of what my OCD is to me and broad strokes of what I experience. Bear in mind, I'm just starting to seek therapy for this at 34, and I have lived with this since I was about 12 years old. So puberty. Yup, deepening voice, growth spurts, facial hair, increased interest in woman and oh hey, that vacuum and duster look sexy, let's clean. So at this point, it's all personal experience. Which, as implied, is personal. Sidenote: I'm actually a very private person, unfortunately, the internet has broken me down, and I need a podium for my catharsis. So, here we be, and bear (rawr) with me.
From an outsider's perspective, OCD behavior is completely irrational. Why would you vacuum several times in one day, isn't once enough? Why are you constantly putting things in order in a particular place and position? What does it matter in the grand scheme of things? Why do you have to mow the lawn every Wednesday during the summer, even when it's been dry and you can skip a week? Why? I hear that a lot. Honestly, there is only one answer: Phil, my monster, or the OCD. I prefer, Phil, to monster because we've known each other for so long, there's no need to be impolite.
There is no rationalizing the behavior. I can try and rationalize it until I'm blue in the face or go to Home Depot, buy a bucket of blue paint, a brush, then go home and paint my face blue. It won't make any difference. I, in my mind, recognize it as irrational behavior, but I can't rationalize, think it through, and not do it. Not without help. You see, Phil won't let me. He's not a voice, well, he's more like a presence. Like a sales rep at Best Buy. lurking, who won't go away. Example: you're minding your business, looking at "Black Hawk Down" on DVD and he comes up and is like, "I see you have Black Hawk Down there, may I recommend Behind Enemy Lines?" First off, no. Owen Wilson. Just, just no. Second, go away before I shove this up your ass, indirectly turning you into a DVD player. I have to mention, I also have anger issues. But, that actually happened to me years ago. Not the sodomy by DVD threat, but everything else. Seriously though, I have to comply and perform any task so he'll temporarily quiet down. Just so I can get some peace. Peace most people take for granted on an everyday basis.
So, what I'm trying to say in all of this, in regard to rationalizing, irrational behavior or vice versa, is that, at this moment, it cannot be rationalized. At least for me.  Phil can only be temporarily satiated until the next thought or event. This is I how I cope on a day to day. I give in and perform meaningless daily tasks. Everyday, I bend over a Best Buy sales rep, and shove a DVD up his or her ass until they go away. Metaphorically speaking, of course. Honestly, I don't even  frequent Best Buy anymore. It's Amazon or bust.


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