Anxiety Now!

I love the smell of anxiety ridden thoughts in the morning. Yes, both the title and first sentence are a reference to "Apocalypse Now". I know, by now, in 2016, the phrase, "I love the smell of napalm in the morning", is older than old. I'm talking older than Betty White, and Abe Vigoda, (who just recently passed, even though I was under the impression that he had passed years prior), put together. So, I guess I'm apologizing for my lack of originality at this moment. So, apologies. Today, I want to talk about my anxiety. Now, I know that my OCD is the cause of my anxiety, but, my anxiety also fuels my OCD. Kind of like a snake eating it's tail, in a constant, perpetual circle. As always, allow me to explain, or to quote Marty Feldman's, Igor, from "Young Frankenstein": "Walk this way."
Ya see, many things can give me anxiety at any given time. Case in point, driving to work on a day when it snows. I know, most people don't like driving in the snow. I'll get to that point. So, it's the night before a snow storm, and we're expecting maybe 3 to 6 inches of snow. Depending on where you live, that's a little or a lottle. For me, not so much, since I grew up in Northern NY. But, despite having past experience in regard to driving in the snow, I still get anxious. So, the night before, as I think about it, the anxiety begins. Not crippling anxiousness, but enough to be in my mind. That's when the OCD kicks down the mental door in my brain and says "Bonjour!" I know, Phil can speak French. This is, of course, mainly due to my 4 year stint in French class ala high school, he just chooses not to, most of the time. See first blog post.
So, now, I'm getting anxious about the next day and the thought becomes pervasive in my mind. The only bitch of it is, unlike my cleaning, there's no real way to calm my thoughts. I just have to ride it out like a rodeo clown on a bull...or a sex gimp, dressed like a bull. Wait, do rodeo clowns ride bulls and/or sex gimps? Hmmm. I'll  have to investigate to confirm my initial comparative statement. Note to self: check Pornhub. Anyway, I wake up the next day and ta da, it's gone, I mean, there's snow. Now, my anxiety increases because there is snow and I have to go to work. Again, it's  not crippling, but it's in my head.
So, I shovel out our driveway, and the back porch for the pooches and get my sore ass to work. I'd like to clarify that my ass is sore from shoveling, not anything else non shoveling related. I'd like to further clarify that I used my hands to grasp the handle and shovel snow, not my ass or ass cheeks. Logistically, I don't believe that's something that can be accomplished with your ass. Note to self: check Pornhub...again.
Anyhoo, I'm driving to work in the snow, and I'm still anxious, and like Dustin Hoffman, "I'm an excellent driver", so I really shouldn't have any concern. But thanks to my anxiety, and my inability to rationalize, rational thought; I'm unable to push it aside, and keep my head clear. I know that people get anxious for many reasons, and I'm sure that many people can have anxiety when driving in the snow or dealing with snow. So, their reaction would be expected or normal. But, for me, I shouldn't let it overwhelm and consume me, which it does at times. So again, it's something that needs further 'sploring in the mind of me. But, that's why I'm currently seeing a therapist...and watching Pornhub at an unusually high viewing rate.


Popular Posts